Communication and Abilympics

Communication
For those of you with kids- or especially stupid husbands- this may all be very obvious. I've been trying to create an image of what I'm experiencing as I talk to people with Cerebral Palsy. My job at P&G is all about communication. I've worked with people all over the world, and I understand the value of listening; seeking to understand as opposed to simply waiting for the next gap in the conversation so I can take over again. However, I am seeing a totally different set of challenges as I try and communicate now..
We all make jokes about call centres, following a menu of prerecorded choices ( If you want to order a takeaway, please press 1: If you want to take part in our customer feedback programme please press 2: To actually want to speak to a real person then please press 999 and we'll disconnect you). You wait (sometimes patiently) on the end of a line for “the next available assistant” and when you finally get someone on the end of the line, they are unfailingly polite but they follow a set protocol, which does everything except answer the question you need answering. This is of course worse when the call centre is in India because we struggle to understand their English. (I personally find the Scottish call centres a bit of a trial as well). Generally though, if you have the patience and speak very slowly, very clearly and really think about making the question as simple as possible, you can get what you need.(except the Amex system which is an invention of Satan and should be exorcised from any contact with humankind)
I spent a morning with two wonderful ladies (Barsha and Putul). They live together at a local Cheshire Care Home, but spend a couple of mornings a week at the IICP.. Both are non verbal, (they cannot speak) but boy do they like to talk. Both understand English and Bangla- (how is it that I struggle to master one language properly, and my best second language, German, is little more than beer ordering ability, whereas everyone here- irrespective of background, handicap or ability is bi- or even trilingual). Physically they have just enough control of their arms to use sign boards- letters or phrases on a board that they can point to to spell out what they want to say

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They would both ask questions of me by spelling them out, Barsha translating for Putul. In return, I could ask questions back, and slowly, sometimes frustratingly so, as they pointed to each letter we could decipher their responses. With Putul, I had to frame every question to be answeredYes or No- as she understands but doesnt write in English. Barsha is a poet and writes using a computer system that has been designed at the IICP. The programme is effectively an electronic sign board, and when a moving cursor is over a particular word or phrase, hitting a large mouse button can build up a piece of text.
The patience Barsha has to painstakingly type out what is in her head is amazing. She must find it incredibly frustrating having an active mind, without the physical capability to act on it. I have experienced a similar sort of frustration when trying to thread a needle. This maybe because I a boy...and needles and thread fall into the category of “pink jobs” so I'm not genetically programmed to be able to carry them out. I can do stuff with spanners and hammers, I do spiders in the bath and
disposing of the latest poor victim of the mouse trap. I have an innate knowledge of how to wire up a stereo system. (These are of course blue jobs). For me, trying to get that big fat hairy rope into that itty bitty little hole on the needle, keep it there, and then do something useful with it after that does not involve my finger bleeding ....lets just say that when I go to purgatory, Lucifer has me threading a needle for eternity.

Knitting at the abilympics.... sitting on the floor de rigeur..

Abilympics
Last week was the regional Abilympics, held at the IICP but open to all disabled people from the region. They ran over 40 competitions to test the “abilities” of the 210 participants in everything from furniture making and painting to computer programming. The week before had been general panic stations as final arrangements were made (the government department sponsoring the event had not actually sent a cheque because of the impending elections) , and it was all hands on deck for the actual competition. I was put to work as part of the awards team, to build a database of all participants and their events and then record the results as each one was completed. Hence I spent three days hunched over a computer trying to make sense of the names scrawled on the entry sheets- and marry them up with the often differently spelt names on the judges marking sheets. I fortunately had the help of one of the B.Ed students at IICP- Kavita- who was instruicted to work with me, and was not permitted to leave me without express permission from the boss- even though I kept trying to shoo her away when there was nothing to do. There is a great respect for authority here- something I rarely experience at work (and to be honest I'm glad about that- My guys all realise I know nothing and therefore make their own decisions. They indulge me from time to time..just to keep me sweet, but in general a healthy disrespect for authority and using common sense is the way I prefer to work)

The chess tournament was held between people with physical disabilites- and in this picture a visualy impaired guy (using a board that he felt his way around) was wiping the floor with his opponent ( his disability was physical but he could at least see what he was doing!)
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In addition to my duties at the computer I was also the judge for some of the computer courses (yep, I am a computer expert now.....), anfd also had enough time to wander about and see how good some of the work was. The winners of the events proceed to the national finals, and hence to the international finals in Korea.

The furniture making contst required these guys to make a computer desk in 3 hours....

elephant man

Repeat after me
I WILL NOT
complain
about my job

EVER AGAIN!!

with thanks to Rita and Maria Raczkozएक्क्य

कोल्कता-टूरिस्ट-साइट्स एंड होली

The tourist trail in Kolkata
Over the past few days I've had the chance to be a tourist. I have now had three weekends, and then two days off for Holi, plus three days of the abilympics ( more of which later), so I've actually worked five days in the last 16; not bad really :-) except that I only have a few weeks here and there is so much to do. I guess no-one actually pays me so if I didn't show up, they can't sack me, and I might take advantage of that in the weeks to come if I want to travel in India, but having this time off now was good to find my way about in Kolkata.
Firstly, what do most people think about when they hear Calcutta?? Id guess it is the black hole, a link to the British Raj and Mother Theresa. Sure, Kolkata has slums, and street dwellers but so do most cities in Asia, and increasingly so in the West. (The beggars in Leicester Square Tube are as insistent as any ive encountered here). I like the area I live because its a locals area, and no-one bothers me.
When I took a taxi to Dalhousie Square – the start of my walking tour, I was accosted by beggars immediately- but I'm the white guy and I do tend to stand out a little. Similarly, as I walked around the “backpackers” areas in Sudder street, I didn't feel like Id really want to come back having done them, I did see a bar, but not yet the ubiquitous Irish pub that seems to exist in every city in the world (and I have the footie on tv at home so I don't need a bar)- I'm a real snob about tourists, especially as I'm such a “local” now
The Centre of Kolkata does hark back to Raj India, when it was the capital of the British colonialism। As Kolkata only received minor bombing from the Japanese in WW2, and has never otherwise suffered invasion, everything is pretty well preserved, in that typical crumbling, dilapidated Asian style- the result of high humidity, and zero maintenance budgets. Hence the old Writers Building is now the centre of government, complete with communist slogans on the walls, but there is no evidence of any vandalism in any of the churches and whilst the museum of India may be crap (think of “preservation via piling stuff high in a corner of a room”, with no attempt made to bring perspective or illumination) the building is quite magnificent.
I was given a guided tour of St John's church by a small child who lives with his father in the grounds. He was very keen to tell me all about the history and show me everything, including the memorial to the black hole- the site of which was close by. His discourse sounded authentic (unlike the scene in Slumdog Millionaire where the kid acting as tour guide for the dumb Yanks claims the Taj was built in memory of the wife killed in a car crash...) The Governor's residence looks equally grand, although I didn't get too close as the soldier with the big gun looked menacingly at me as I walked past. (Do I really look like some extremist terrorist?). You can argue about whether the British brought or destroyed civilisation around the world but they left town planning which included grand open spaces and broad roads. The Indians figured it was a good place to put Eden Square (the cricket stadium), but it also provides a pleasant green area and everywhere are ad hoc cricket matches being played.
I noticed the police had allowed some form of peaceful protest about Bengali being the first language of the state, and grouped everyone right next to the public toilets- and in 35C heat, you need to be pretty passionate about your cause to protest through that smell. I will confess that the English bookshops, and the music store were as interesting to me as any of the sights...and I had a mean sweet lassi in an air-conditioned cafe. I was most put out to see that in celebration of International Womens' Day, all ladies visiting were getting a gift bag of shampoo and stuff and I managed to cadge some of my own so I can check out the competition. (the shampoo I brought from home won't last 3 months, and whilst we have production in Baddi, India- all the large size shampoo is imported from Iowa city and looks scraped and shabby. Yup, I can leave P&G for three months but Im still store checking).
The Park around the Victoria memorial is splendid, but seems to close at 4pm on Sunday...and so it was actually my third attempt at visiting before I actually got to see the magnificent building up close. The exhibition inside was much better, with a good overall history of Bengal and Kolkata and one room of bad paintings by British artists ( the school of “any daub is good” if it has a big sky) and some rather splendid pictures by Indian artists (Much more ornate and much more fun). The old photos of Calcutta were also fascinating to see how little has changed. Kolkata has one or two tower blocks, but no skyscrapers like many other Asian cities.
On another day I took a taxi to the Howrah bridge (busiest in the world apparently with 100,000 people carrying large loads walking across each day), broke all the rules about taking photos ( the sign was in Bengali, or Hindi.... honest m'lud) and then wandered the flower market ( amazing and it smelled pleasant for an Asia street market).
The Bazaar area is where all the entrepreneurs are located- and you can probably buy ANYTHING. I do wonder how one can survive with a shop that sells nothing except door knobs, especially when there were three such shops within a block of each other. I was offered an AK 47- but it appeared to be of the plastic variety that shot water- great for Holi- so I declined. The best thing about my stroll was that even though I know I was stared at, I never felt threatened (unlike markets elsewhere in the world) and was not hassled। Ive been out a couple of times with Suzanne, another volunteer. She is Indian born, but brought up in Australia, and lives now in Hong Kong. She looks Indian, dresses Western , and gets stared at more than me- possibly because she isn't wearing a sari, or because has been with me (the white bloke). She gets Indian rates at the monuments (Rs.10 vs 150 for me- the foreign tourist), and is treated as an Indian until she opens her mouth...(broad Aussie accent). She has “Indian days”- when she is happy to blend in, and “Australian day”s- when the general chaotic nature of the place, and the bureaucracy gets to her and she wants to scream. (I know this feeling so well...see below)

Holi...the festival of color
This is supposed to celebrate the coming of spring (or maybe summer- but its “only” 35C at the moment), and is a great excuse for everyone to throw dyes at each other। Ranu...my dearest local volunteer coordinator... invited us all to a party at her home, and we spent the morning generally misbehaving and getting colored. (The tee shirt is now officially retired). We had a private party, but I was warned that in certain streets, its considered a free for all and you can get dyed by complete strangers. I must confess that one of the highlights of the day was the chance to shower under a torrent of proper hot water afterwards: Much better than my dribble at home. The other volunteers included 4 girls just finishing a 2 month stint teaching at a local slum school. (At around 19 I take my hat off to them for doing something like this- I thought a couple of weeks Interrailing in Europe was an adventure at that age). The only issue with Holi is that EVERYTHING is closed. Come lunchtime it looked as though the only food would be the sweets I had brought (such a nice boy and so well brought up...always comes with sweets or flowers....hehe thank you Mother for teaching me how to ingratiate so well॥). However, Ranu- who is a genius, found a shop that did chicken kati rolls- scrummy flatbread with spicy chicken wrapped within. Now this is fast food I could get to like!

Tollygunge club- a lesson in Indian bureaucracy
An oasis of Expat. life that is famous worldwide, and has a golf course, so I thought I'd check it out. The first challenge was finding a taxi driver who knew where it was, and whilst getting to the neighbourhood was achieved without too much trouble- I had to shout at him twice as he started by taking me in totally the wrong direction as my English is not comprehensible to Indians- finding the club involved stopping ( in the middle of the street and creating a minor traffic jam) and asking first a taxi driver, then a passer by and finally a man in uniform (didn't look like police, may even have been a cleaner, but he had a uniform).
Driving up it felt like an oasis of Englishness amongst the Indianish that is Kolkata. Neatly mown lawn, with wizened men (wallahs even) crouching down and clipping stuff, a grand old building with another man in a splendid uniform at reception. A bar (God... it serves alcohol, unlike pretty much every other restaurant I've been to in this place so I like it already), and at least 3 restaurants. There was also a swimming pool (sans water.... very Indian) and I understand they also have a gym... but I have Karma.. a little room with an exercise bike and a rowing machine just two minutes walk from me...so tough luck boys I ain't getting sweaty at yours..unless you have great showers that is).
The next challenge was asking about membership. You can join for the day, for a fee, but I wanted to see about joining for the duration of my time here. I was directed to see a Mr Ghosh, who sat in the back office of what looked like a fully functioning bank. He was polite enough... but to say helpful in anyway whatsoever would be stretching the definition. Here is what I think I have established
-YES, I could become a temporary member but I needed to be proposed by a current member। No, he would not share a list of current members with me, on the off chance that I (in my first fortnight in Kolkata) have somehow run into a member already।
-Yes, it was definitely better financially to do temporary membership than to try and play golf on a day membership, but no, he was not prepared to tell me how much it would cost.
- Yes, I could play golf any time but no I couldn't be sure of getting on the course if I just showed up (and naturally he offered no help on how to call and book ahead)
-No, he had no literature to share with me, that would help introduce me to the club, its benefits or even an address ( useful to show taxi drivers)

-Yes, he had a business card, but he wasn't going to give me one- in case I wanted to ask any follow up questions।

He was obsequiously polite, but made it very clear that he wasn't going to offer any help whatsoever। Now in the words of Groucho Marx...”I wouldn't want to be a member of any club prepared to have me as a member.” They clearly don't want me as a member so I consider this a challenge. It might be cool to “entertain” people at my club sometime...hehe. I'm going to ask “my ladies” to see if they know someone who would introduce me. Mr Ghosh doesn't realise that I may have influential friends so this little tale is to be continued.......

The Races
I was asked if there were Race nights in Kolkata.(you know, you sit and bet 50p on film clips and make up the names of the horses and raise money for charity. Well, I went one better and paid Rs. 20 (yep 30p) entry to watch the Kolkata St. Ledger Race meeting on Saturday afternoon. I was disappointed when the taxi driver refused to drop me at the VIP entrance, and I had to brave the boy hawkers with race cards and enter with the plebs. The race stand is splendid, and the view across the Maidan towards the Victoria Memorial magnificent. I'm not a great one for the nags, but it was very pleasant sitting in the shade looking at the horses in the paddock, and then the people watching them (and watching me). I had brought my binoculars so I could track the race from its start and around the bend up to the finish line. Being (almost) the only white guy, I of course demanded a certain amount of attention. For the big race, I was “befriended” by some guy who had found the beer tent (I wish he'd told me where it was, the best I could find was a dodgy juice bar) and was a little worse for wear. He'd bet on number 4 and 5 ( Rs20 bets... clearly a high roller) and wanted me to have a side bet withmy choice of no 3. ( I pick my horses using the following rigorous system, tried and tested over the years to be foolproof and 100% reliable. 1. Cool name, 2. best colors, 3. smallest jockey, 4. horse that looks most feisty 5. longest odds. Lets face it- if you are only going to win your stake back whats the point on a Rs. 20 bet? I like 10-1 odds when they come in. Ah yes, my system is 100% reliable to lose money so if you ever go to the races with me, see what I'm betting on and pick something else.
Anyway... my mate..who by now had his arm around me and was cheering every part of the race then looked most despondent when number 5 romped home at the end..and I couldnt understand why. My horse ambled in about 5 minutes later- as expected. It took a good 5 minutes for me to explain to him that no 5 had won, and he was 150Rs better off- at which he hugged me- and everyone around him and screamed and shouted about how lucky he was. At least he finished the day happy- and im sure the bhang lassi ( lassi with majijuana in it) or beer tent was frequented again. I sloped off to look for some other way of entertaiuning myself- racing pundit I am not!

why and what...The IICP

Three months in Kolkata; Calcutta for those of you that haven't worked it out (or at least Googled it to confirm where I am), doing volunteer work (Leahy- doing good works???? hmmm is this the same Chris Leahy we know???) on sabbatical from P&G....why the heck am I doing this?..... That is the first question. ( Yup terrible grammar but this is a blog so excuse my French) .
I'm a middle aged ( yuck..but I guess the truth hurts sometimes) male in the middle of a great career with everything going for me. Why on earth do I want to leave the comfort and security of all that and go and pay (Yup...I paid for the privilege or opportunity if you prefer) to go and volunteer in a developing country, at the expense of three months salary at a time when the rest of the world seems to be imploding?
I must confess, as I got through the second G&T on the flight over here I was wondering this myself...It was “apprehensive bloke” getting on the plane even though I've been through airports to strange places hundreds of times. However, 18 years of work, and 8 years of Hair color (two acquisitions and a little project called Madonna – known to the world as Perfect 10 from Nice'n'Easy- included) had led me to the point where having a break seemed like a good idea. Now Rita, sensible well balanced woman that she is- took her sabbatical three years ago, spent a wonderful summer playing golf and came back to work a happier, more relaxed person. Dr. Leahy however, decides he wants to “do something” and unlike his mate Eric, who travelled the world and went to Antarctica, I end up (via the Internet and a BA flight magazine on mid career breaks which had an interview with a guy from P&G- who was blissfully unaware that he was being quoted)- talking to a number of organisations who specialise in placing volunteers.
I wanted to avoid “teaching English, and helping orphans” , worthy though they are, I wanted to try and utilise whatever skill base I might have from R&D project management. I targeted a few likely looking groups... got rejected by VSO after filling out 4 forms (useless bureaucracy if you ask me)... and chucked my CV out there. I got offers of micro finance and teaching secondary school chemistry to classes of 90 in Tanzania.... (I might have a PhD in chemistry, but you really don't want to test me on it after 18 years), and working with the National Association of Beekeepers in The Gambia....(go on, put your hand on your heart and tell me you really know which bit of Africa that is.....). I hung on hoping for an offer of coordinating volunteers in Belize...such a cool country and the rough guide is a nice pocket size, rather than the brick Ive lugged over to India with me. I was also asked to consider developing ethical personal care products in Sri Lanka... a bit too close to what I do today- and bearing in mind what the government and Tamils are up to these days, a bit to politically warm for comfort.
Mondo Challenge (also known as Gap Guru) http://www.mondochallenge.org/ were very helpful and really tried to understand what I wanted to do...some vague waffle about good at “developing organisations and managing people.” They excited me with an organisation called Dream a Dream in Bangalore- where it sounded like Id spend my time organising football tournaments for slum kids...now that could have been fun!
I ended up with a placement in Kolkata with the Indian Institute of Cerebral Palsy (IICP). Those of you who know me will realise just how far from “normal” this little adventure is for me. I would usually run a mile from the following – fundraising, children, handicapped people, developing countries (unless its for a few days on business when I stay in a western hotel), foreign languages (and trust me- Indian English is giving me as many headaches as Japlish...Im struggling to make my questions simple enough to understand, and understand the answers). I guess I can see this as a challenge, and react accordingly ( I'm supposed to like a challenge), but time will tell if I actually get any more comfortable in the next few weeks.
You want the official history, go to the website...http://www.iicpindia.com This is Leahy's perception after one week. I apologise for all inaccuracies, and whilst I don't intend to infuriate, offend or be wrong about anything or anyone, Im sure ill get it wrong somewhere.
This is a seriously impressive organisation....born out of necessity in 1974 and started with 2 children, both with cerebral palsy, one mentally, the other severely physically handicapped ( so they started with the full range of challenge), they have grown into a significant charity which now directly reaches at least 1000 people; kids and adults in Kolkata. They also act as a centre for training which helps many other “affiliates” learn to set up and support people with cerebral palsy and their carers across India, with ties to similar organisations around the world. They were awarded the best NGO in India in 2004.
The IICP run a school (144 kids), an adult day care centre (60 adults who have grown beyond school age), run outpatient and family services ( reaching almost 1000) from their centre at Taratala in the South of Kolkata, plus a parent involved programme (a couple of trained staff showing parents how to care for and teach their children) satellites elsewhere in town. They run training courses open to anyone working in the field – including a one year B.Ed in special needs education and research programmes in collaboration with other organisations worldwide.
In a week I've met some of the key directors, ladies who have learned their way as the IICP has grown- becoming qualified experts in special education and relevant areas. Picking up Masters and doctorates along the way, they have become professionals in their field and in my opinion, run a bloody good NGO. (thats non government organisation if you hadn't worked it out).
The IICP has a mission statement to “bring about positive changes in the lives of all people with cerebral palsy.....and exercise their constitutional rights and fully participate and contribute to the community.” (whilst not an expert- this seems to be in line with the work and ethos of SCOPE- the UK cerebral palsy charity). In other words- they do direct care...they do training to develop capability in other areas....and they raise awareness so that handicapped people can be included in education and society.
As I get to see more- and I have a month long orientation where I spend time in every department to experience what they do- Ill probably comment more about the above, but right now Im sucking information from a fire hose and have a headache each night. I have volunteered to help out with hydrotherapy – stand in a hot bath to help make sure the children dont drown ( or maybe drown one or two if they have given me hassle). This made me very popular with Tessa Hamblin- Director and chief physiotherapist as they dont have enough volunteers. I suspect I may have been rather naive to say yes to this one quite so quickly. However, if the IICP has decent showers, this may be a bloody good reason to do it- considering the state of the shower at home.
So what exactly do they want me to do- in addition to the hot bath twice a week? That is the second question... (look up a long way- there was a first question somewhere...). The project brief calls me a consultant...( I've arrived at last- if only I could get consultancy rates...), and states..”design a fund mobilisation programme for IICP using a two pronged approach
targeting fund mobilisation from individual and corporate donors internationally
targeting domestic mobilisation through sale of goods produced in house.”
so- here is what I THINK this means.......
Traditionally, the IICP has had access to government grants (at one time 90% of what they needed), and have used personal contacts (especially through the tea industry and via the arts) to get donations. However, as they have grown and become “established”, the government has reduced the grants (down to 20%) and over time, donors have retired and maintaining or building new connections is proving to be difficult- especially at the moment when the bankers have been found out as the conmen we all knew them to be and the world is in recession.... (hey its a blog....i can say what I like!!!).
They want me..... the “Godfather of Madonna”....to work out how to tap up some new donors so they don't have a shortfall each year (and have to access their corpus fund to keep operating). Little do they know that I, Chris Leahy BSc. (Hons), PhD, GRCS, onetime CChem, MRSC ( I didnt keep paying the subscription so officially cannot use that any more), Associate Director Hair Color R&D for P&G, have no clue about how to do this, and Rita's copy of Building Brand Frameworks plus my extensive experience in creating powerpoint charts are the only secret weapons in my arsenal … Oh – and you lot..... Yep...I am gonna try an experiment in open source volunteering, using you lot as assistant guinea pig volunteers to help solve this conundrum. I aint gonna ask you for money- although all donations will be gratefully accepted should you feel the urge to dig deep into your pockets and sponsor children, buy wheelchairs, or finance a Learjet for the IICP's newest consultant. See the website for how you can donate. Instead, I am going to ask you for advice, for experience, for ideas and contacts (you know any rich people? Please send me their names, addresses and anything I can use to bend them to my will). Tell me to bog off if im being a pest- but this is a new field for me and the only thing I can bring to the party is a different network who can help me achieve something here.
Yes, I'll continue to ramble on about what I'm up to- and post pictures to keep you all entertained. Me and the guy at the internet cafe are already on first name terms- he's met most of my family via skype already as I use a webcam there every day, and im enjoying working out exactly how the internet has become so user friendly. (in 2000, my letters from japan predated the term blog, and uploading to leahyvienhues.com via FTP transfer was a pain in the ass. Now I have a camera, a computer that the memory stick fits into and a single button transfer to the web.....simple hey? (actually it took about 6 hours of messing about to make it all work, but that is a different story).

welcome to Bejoy Towers, Hindusthan Park

Welcome to my world.... 3 months in Kolkata, India. Its gotta be better than work- except work is paid ( i had some vague clue what i was supposed to do there versus what i have to do now)...its Spring in the UK and my wife and Family (and friends..yeah thats you lot) are there... whilst its hot here and my best friend is a gecko.

My Kolkata apartment is functional....compared to the splendour and luxury Im used to from hundreds of nights away in business hotels and vacation apartments. Ranu ( my IICP and Mondo Challenge contact) said that whilst she saw better, this flat has one key advantage- this being air conditioning in the bedroom, which I will need come april and May. They keep warning me about how hot it is in the summer- surely cant be any worse than Japan in August – except that the longest I ever endured that was the 10 minutes down to the station- when id be hit by a/c on max, and wished I'd bought a coat to keep me warm. Kolkata public transport systems dont seem to have a/c.
I guess with a little care, the apartment will be really nice- after all I dont need more space- but I have nowhere to hang anything, and I will truly live out of a suitcase for 3 months. The living area has a tv (100 channels....about 3 of which I may watch), an uncomfortable sofa and a curious collection of alcoholic miniatures from minbars and airlines around the world. There is nothing to say I cannot drink myself stupid but the neatness and exactitude by which they are arranged in a glass cabinet suggests that this has been lovingly collected. Im not sure any of them get better with age once hey are in the glass or PET bottles.
The book shelves are an interesting collection of Bengali (so I have no clue what subject they are), Indian dance books, western philosophy and 3 copies ( yes 3) of the kamasutra...There are about 7 miniature statues of Indian gods as well.
The bedroom is just big enough to be for the bed...which counts among the most uncomfortable Ive ever slept in. It's a fold out double that is too short in any direction-even diagonal- and my top half sleeps on a board, whilst my legs lie on a mattress. By day three ive actually had a complete nights sleep ( I was getting really tired having woken up EVERY time I moved the first two nights), but it feels as though my hips are now misaligned. Im sure ill get used to it.
Im still nervous going into both the kitchen and bathroom...i look constantly for the little scuttling of roaches.... got my first within 5 minutes of walking into the place...and having endured a flat plagued by the buggers in my first year at college, I have a primeval hatred of them. Both are basic....but functional. The maid seemed pretty happy with the stove, and i'm pretty happy that there is as much alcohol (mine) in the fridge as there are vegetables. I do need to borrow or buy some decent crockery as the stuff left just feels old and grubby. I thought the camping cutlery my parents gave me for Christmas was a cheap joke- but they are now my implements of choice.

After three days looking at the dodgy looking wiring of the geyser I did try it out and it does provide hot water, which dribbles out through a limescale caked shower head. Joining that gym which had such luxurious looking showers, or maybe the hydrotherapy pool at the IICP, suddenly start to look quite inviting. The shower area is also shared with the toilet- western but with that bucket- the one that indicates toilet paper and the plumbing dont mix.
On reflection Im being unfair- this place could have been a lot worse, and im really grateful for what I have. The other huge advantage is the location..very central and near some great shopping. Its in a quiet(ish) residential area, but close to a main busy street, a Spencer's supermarket (very western style), and near the centre of town. It is secure- the door lock doesnt work very well, but there are 5 bolts ( 3 in, 2 out) and a metal grill on the outside that I can padlock shut. That wasn't too much help the first night when the guy who was waiting for me with the keys indicated to me that he was staying the night...i was so bemused that I wasn't going to say anything, but I used the bolt on my bedroom door to lock myself in, plus the door wedge my parents advised i bring as a precaution. He was gone the next morning, and I discovered that he was the owner's driver- who had waited up all night for me to arrive. I wasn't anticipating a flatmate the first night though.

I have found an internet cafe within 10 minutes walk...the first place was 30 minutes, but the guy who runs the closer place is friendly enough and lets me tear apart his computers so I can wire up my laptop and use skype. At 30p per hour, this is gonna end up as cheap entertainment. Im pretty good entertainment for him too as he sits in the corner and grins at me as I talk. (headset and microphone are my next purchases unless I find a better cafe nearer). There is a restaurant cum coffee bar just around the corner. It has wireless access... but neither I or the owner have managed to make my computer work. Im gonna keep trying this option as it is so convenient, but computer engineer I am not, and there is no readily available helpline to talk me through how to get a DNS connection – whatever that might be...
There seem to be a number of good looking food establishments nearby, so ill let the maid cook 5 nights a week, and sample the local stuff at weekends. Oh yes...did I not mention that I have staff? In addition to the security downstairs... I hear him sing, and hawk and spit early in the morning, I have Shaba the maid. She is going to cook and clean for me, and have my cup of tea waiting when I get home after 5pm each night. She costs for three months what our cleaner at home costs per week, and I have just bought a load of cleaning products so maybe she'll get the hint that I find this place grubby and want it to feel clean. I can poison the wildlife with Mr Muscle..
My morning (and evening) ritual is to check out the ceilings for mosquitoes- 3 down so far, and no blood splats left to remind me that they ate well for their last meal. Reminds me..I must take my pill. I seal off as many rooms as possible during the night so that I can get some peace... the culture of honking car horns is prevalent here and so my air conditioned paradise is kept cool and beastie free. I also have a pet- a large gecko (not quite salamander but i could hear his feet slap when he scuttled away from me). I like these and he wil at least keep the other wildlife under control

I spent the evening last night walking the area. Its the best way for me to actually get a sense of direction and the alternative was watching West Bengal play cricket on tv. ( ill need to get into that game, but not yet awhile). I live in an area called Hindusthan Park- which apparently is a trendy place to live. Its just behind one of the best places to shop in Kolkata (Rash Behari Avenue) and as well as a load of shops, the pavements are lined with street traders, roadside kitchens selling pretty much anything you could imagine. There was a stretch where every stall was doing henna tattoos for the ladies, and whilst I realise the female population of India is large (500 million I guess), they could all buy a sari along this road and there would still be plenty left over. I will be spoilt for choice when I get around to buying myself some new shirts, as there are also many tailors- including one across the road from me. The streets behind Rash Behari are a mixture of residences, mainly 3 or 4 storey apartments, restaurants, some of which look pretty trendy, others look pretty dodgy. There are also occasional boutiques, an art gallery and even a gymnasium (Karma- my first luxury item was a three month membership tonight).

As I strolled, avoiding the taxis, tuc-tucs and bikes and darkness fell, I must confess even my sense of direction got messed up. A couple of times I ended up lost, stumbling into a block which was little more than a slum- but lined with tiny stores selling single doses of everything from shampoo to cigarettes, and street food which im sure is delicious but somehow not for me...yet at least. The dogs all seem to sleep in the middle of the pavement, and actually in the morning, many people seem to be doing the same thing. There are plenty of dark back alleys ( whilst I didnt feel unsafe, I avoided them), everyone has their windows open and so the smells and sounds of people cooking , eating and watching tv drifted over as I walked past. There are also other smells...somewhat less appealing..but still they add to the overall "flavour" of the place. As well as the piles of rubbish you do occasionally come across the odd dead rat or pigeon in the pavement.

The open spaces are dusty scruffy affairs...not enough rain to grow proper grass, and there is rubbish everywhere. But if there is a patch of earth, you can guarantee that there will be boys playing cricket. Ive seen the players in stumps and whites(very swanky), and bricks and footie shirts. There is an area not too far from me called the lakes and whilst it is also a little scruffy, at dusk everyone goes out to walk. I got talking to one grey haired gentleman who told me it is the only place you can walk and not get run over. It is also the place for the youth of India to come out and court. So many couples canoodling and apparently it is very unIndian behaviour, and not done anywhere else. I walked the area with Ranu the first night, and will probably go there on days I dont "do" the gym.
So that is southern Kolkata.... Ill try and do the centre of town at the weekend... and the mall...

The lakes... where the youth of india go courting...most entertaining as this is most "unIndian" beahviour in public.